Busting moves from meeting to meeting today.
So here’s what I did yesterday.
Lunch:
Chins 1 hand on a towel, 1 on the bar:
3/3
2/2 x3
Bench:
Worked up to 2 @ 225 x4
1a row:
8/8
6/6 x 4 @ 95
Pallof Presses:
4x 8/8 @ 80
Evening:
Warm-ups.
Glute-Hams 3x10 @ bw
Good mornings:
Worked up to 3 @ 315
Did 3x 2 @ 275.
I need to work on my low back strength, that seems to be a limiting factor (along with hip mobility)
Jitz last night was basic, but good. We worked the 360 drill, and ezekiel choke. I headed home early after some rolling with Paul.
I'm pretty sore today, abs, chest, hips and low back.
But feeling good.
tonight is just a double dose of jitz.
Mahalo.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Seminar, sushi, seafood.
Friday at work I was antsy as hell. I was excited about the seminar, and feeling the slack coming on. I was doing nobody any favors by staying at work, so I left a little early. I headed down to the academy. I was just going to sit in the local coffee shop with my laptop and do a little work after imbibing a smoothie. Plans changed when I ran into D on the way to the smoothie shop. I snagged a smoothie and cruised over to the school. I b.s.’d with D and Micah for a while. Cleaned up a bit. Got a smoothie for D and some coffee. By the time I’d gotten back and downed my supplemental caffeine, normal folks were turning up for the seminar. I rolled a little bit with Paul and met some folks from other schools. There was a big presence from our school (no surprise since it was on our home turf so to speak) but I was glad to see a bunch of folks from Foster BJJ had come up. They’re a good group of guys, and if I was still working in Kent I’d probably train there from time to time. Charuto strolled in. He’s a fairly unassuming guy. Shook a few hands and stretched out a bit. About 5 after he put on his gi. By quarter after the seminar was started. The whole thing was done at a good pace. We learned a few guard passes (2 spider guard passes, 2 butterfly, and 1 de la Riva), a couple of chokes, and a sweet sweep. The pace for the seminar was fast, to put that many moves in a 2 hour seminar was.. well it was a lot. Charuto walked around and helped everyone with the details. Very cool dude, I learned a ton. Afterwards we all got a signed seminar poster, and Paul, Michelle and I went out for sushi. I was starving.
Saturday was one of the last rowing classes for the summer. The students got a lot better, one guy still has a terrible attitude, but he paid his money if he doesn’t want instruction far be it for me to force it on him. After that class I headed to class. The Ballard Seafood fest was this weekend so parking was a bit dodgy. I managed ok. Paul decided to wear his weight vest whilst rolling. Normally my rolls with Paul are very technical, but for some reason the audacity of wearing that vest put a bit of a burr under my saddle. I pushed the pace pretty hard, tried some of the moves from the night before, and generally had a good time. It was a pretty limited group. I was hoping to get a roll with Micah. It didn’t happen.
Afterwards, met up with the wife for some coffee and a stroll around the seafood fest. We didn’t buy anything, but we did decide to go to the market and buy some shrimp and scallops. I grilled them with some garlic, and lime zest. They were tasty. Sunday was the last rowing class of the summer. From there I went into work for a couple of hours. Staged a laptop, and config’d a router while listening to Eddie Izzard stand-up. That night we celebrated the brother-in-laws birthday. We went out to the in-laws on Whidbey island. The J.P. (the guest of honor) brought his girlfriend. I’ve met her, but my father-in-law hadn’t. She’s nice and held her own pretty well. J.P. seems happy. Who knows what may yet come of this.
No lifting this weekend, but a ton of mat time.
Hope you had a good weekend too.
Mahalo.
Saturday was one of the last rowing classes for the summer. The students got a lot better, one guy still has a terrible attitude, but he paid his money if he doesn’t want instruction far be it for me to force it on him. After that class I headed to class. The Ballard Seafood fest was this weekend so parking was a bit dodgy. I managed ok. Paul decided to wear his weight vest whilst rolling. Normally my rolls with Paul are very technical, but for some reason the audacity of wearing that vest put a bit of a burr under my saddle. I pushed the pace pretty hard, tried some of the moves from the night before, and generally had a good time. It was a pretty limited group. I was hoping to get a roll with Micah. It didn’t happen.
Afterwards, met up with the wife for some coffee and a stroll around the seafood fest. We didn’t buy anything, but we did decide to go to the market and buy some shrimp and scallops. I grilled them with some garlic, and lime zest. They were tasty. Sunday was the last rowing class of the summer. From there I went into work for a couple of hours. Staged a laptop, and config’d a router while listening to Eddie Izzard stand-up. That night we celebrated the brother-in-laws birthday. We went out to the in-laws on Whidbey island. The J.P. (the guest of honor) brought his girlfriend. I’ve met her, but my father-in-law hadn’t. She’s nice and held her own pretty well. J.P. seems happy. Who knows what may yet come of this.
No lifting this weekend, but a ton of mat time.
Hope you had a good weekend too.
Mahalo.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Keepin' it light.
There is a seminar at the academy tomorrow, so I am keeping today's workout(s) light. I don't want to be sore.
SL Deads:
8 @ 225
8 @ 275
8 @ 315
chins: (1 hand on the bar, one on a towel)
4/4
3/3
2/2 x 3
machine seated rows:
3x6 @ stack.
Didn't like these at all. back to the dumbells.
I might do some light bench work tonight.. depends on when my buddy Brendan calls me.
Mahalo.
SL Deads:
8 @ 225
8 @ 275
8 @ 315
chins: (1 hand on the bar, one on a towel)
4/4
3/3
2/2 x 3
machine seated rows:
3x6 @ stack.
Didn't like these at all. back to the dumbells.
I might do some light bench work tonight.. depends on when my buddy Brendan calls me.
Mahalo.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
For Boston..
Went out to supper with some of the wife’s friends from Boston. Nice folks, they’re at the tail end of an epic Griswold style vacation. Their two boys (4 and 9) were going crazy. They used me as a jungle gym.
The husband Paul and I talked sports and work. All in all a fun evening.
Before we met up with them for supper I moved some iron.
Lunch:
Bent rows:
4x4 @ 185
Speed bench:
6x2 @ 185 (haven’t been benching much, just trying to get my groove)
Chins (various grips):
4x AMAP @ bw
Afternoon workout:
Pull throughs:
4x8 just to warm-up
Mobility drills, and activation.
Deads:
10x1 @ 405
These felt pretty good. The volume was pretty intense, I think I’m ready to move up.
In honor of our friends from Boston, the Dropkicks (they were better when Mike Mc. was still fronting them, but they’re still great)
The husband Paul and I talked sports and work. All in all a fun evening.
Before we met up with them for supper I moved some iron.
Lunch:
Bent rows:
4x4 @ 185
Speed bench:
6x2 @ 185 (haven’t been benching much, just trying to get my groove)
Chins (various grips):
4x AMAP @ bw
Afternoon workout:
Pull throughs:
4x8 just to warm-up
Mobility drills, and activation.
Deads:
10x1 @ 405
These felt pretty good. The volume was pretty intense, I think I’m ready to move up.
In honor of our friends from Boston, the Dropkicks (they were better when Mike Mc. was still fronting them, but they’re still great)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Keep out of trouble.
Kettle bells at work:
20/20 swings @ 53
X2
10/10 snatches @ 44
X2
5/5 TGU @ 44
X2
Then BJJ. We worked on escaping back control to half guard, and escaping side control. I noticed I need to roll back to guard more. My guard game is getting better, but I still have a wrestler’s instincts (turn your back to an opponent and try to escape) which works ok, but it can get me into bad spots occasionally. I get into enough trouble without helping.
20/20 swings @ 53
X2
10/10 snatches @ 44
X2
5/5 TGU @ 44
X2
Then BJJ. We worked on escaping back control to half guard, and escaping side control. I noticed I need to roll back to guard more. My guard game is getting better, but I still have a wrestler’s instincts (turn your back to an opponent and try to escape) which works ok, but it can get me into bad spots occasionally. I get into enough trouble without helping.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Why so serious?
What a week! Sheesh. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
Monday morning, I am headed to Cisco bootcamp, and my right rear tire is flat. Crap.
I had to open up the owner’s manual to figure out how to extricate the spare, but I got it jacked up and all the lugs off, and started to position the spare when I hear a creak and the truck starts to shift. I bail out just as the truck shifts and falls off the jack.. suck.. double suck actually. I pull the jack out and get things sorted back out. I put the tire on and it’s ugly, but it’s on. I start to crank the jack back down, and it won’t go. I look and the damn thing is cocked and impinged and won’t go down. The tire is on and the jack is barely holding the truck up. I decide f*ck it. I hop in and back the truck up 6”. It comes off the jack just fine, and the jack un-jams itself. Life is good.. or not. I start to drive away and the wheel is making a god aweful noise. Something is rubbing. I look around inside the wheel well, nothing there. The tire isn’t exactly on perfect, but nothing should be rubbing. It has to be the break drum is off kilter. Nothing I can fix. I punt. Call the wife and fortunately she can drive me to my training. Two days and $925 bucks later, I had new tires, breaks, lube oil and filter, and the truck runs great. Considering it’s a 2002 with 80k miles on it, I probably should have gotten new tires and breaks a while ago.
So needless to say, this totally screwed up my training plan last week. I made a point to draw up a 4 week program, and well it’s not worth the paper it isn’t printed on. I went to BJJ on Monday/tues/Wednesday. Worked with a new training client on Thursday, and then went to the gym and just did some pull-ups, rows, and glute-hams. Friday was fun:
1 minute intervals:
TRX pikes,
Kb snatch to OH lunge
Rest.
X3
Then
Suspended plank for time
X2
And Gi pull-ups and hold for time.
My best suspended plank:
2:01
Best pull-up and hold
:43
Saturday was class and open mat.
Then went to the gym with paul. He wanted to work on his box squat, and I wanted a spotter to do some heavy kneeling squats.
Kneeling squats:
Worked up to a double at 455. I had more in the tank here, but I hit the J-hooks twice and nearly had to dump the weight.That made me nervous.
Backed off to 405 and did 2x4.
1A db row:
4x6 @ 100
Pallof presses: (great exercise, love these)
8/8 @ 80
2x 8/8 @ 100
Chins:
4xAMAP @ bw.
Went to red robin for a friend’s birthday, worlds colliding, but fun stuff. Everyone came back to our place for cake and ice cream.
Sunday we went to the best movie theatre in Seattle to see Dark Knight. That movie is fantastic. There was a time when I thought that no one would be able to do the joker after Nicolson. Heath Ledger blows that performance out of the water. I’m not a sentimental type. I am not saying this because the young man died. He made the joker maniacal, sociopathic and frighteningly real. Nicolson was creepy, but too cartoonish. You never really believed that he could exist. The Dark Knight version was all too real. There was no dip in caustic chemicals to alter his appearance, just a man of twisted reality, no morality, and the will to do horrible things for simply no reason at all. The movie is great.
Monday morning, I am headed to Cisco bootcamp, and my right rear tire is flat. Crap.
I had to open up the owner’s manual to figure out how to extricate the spare, but I got it jacked up and all the lugs off, and started to position the spare when I hear a creak and the truck starts to shift. I bail out just as the truck shifts and falls off the jack.. suck.. double suck actually. I pull the jack out and get things sorted back out. I put the tire on and it’s ugly, but it’s on. I start to crank the jack back down, and it won’t go. I look and the damn thing is cocked and impinged and won’t go down. The tire is on and the jack is barely holding the truck up. I decide f*ck it. I hop in and back the truck up 6”. It comes off the jack just fine, and the jack un-jams itself. Life is good.. or not. I start to drive away and the wheel is making a god aweful noise. Something is rubbing. I look around inside the wheel well, nothing there. The tire isn’t exactly on perfect, but nothing should be rubbing. It has to be the break drum is off kilter. Nothing I can fix. I punt. Call the wife and fortunately she can drive me to my training. Two days and $925 bucks later, I had new tires, breaks, lube oil and filter, and the truck runs great. Considering it’s a 2002 with 80k miles on it, I probably should have gotten new tires and breaks a while ago.
So needless to say, this totally screwed up my training plan last week. I made a point to draw up a 4 week program, and well it’s not worth the paper it isn’t printed on. I went to BJJ on Monday/tues/Wednesday. Worked with a new training client on Thursday, and then went to the gym and just did some pull-ups, rows, and glute-hams. Friday was fun:
1 minute intervals:
TRX pikes,
Kb snatch to OH lunge
Rest.
X3
Then
Suspended plank for time
X2
And Gi pull-ups and hold for time.
My best suspended plank:
2:01
Best pull-up and hold
:43
Saturday was class and open mat.
Then went to the gym with paul. He wanted to work on his box squat, and I wanted a spotter to do some heavy kneeling squats.
Kneeling squats:
Worked up to a double at 455. I had more in the tank here, but I hit the J-hooks twice and nearly had to dump the weight.That made me nervous.
Backed off to 405 and did 2x4.
1A db row:
4x6 @ 100
Pallof presses: (great exercise, love these)
8/8 @ 80
2x 8/8 @ 100
Chins:
4xAMAP @ bw.
Went to red robin for a friend’s birthday, worlds colliding, but fun stuff. Everyone came back to our place for cake and ice cream.
Sunday we went to the best movie theatre in Seattle to see Dark Knight. That movie is fantastic. There was a time when I thought that no one would be able to do the joker after Nicolson. Heath Ledger blows that performance out of the water. I’m not a sentimental type. I am not saying this because the young man died. He made the joker maniacal, sociopathic and frighteningly real. Nicolson was creepy, but too cartoonish. You never really believed that he could exist. The Dark Knight version was all too real. There was no dip in caustic chemicals to alter his appearance, just a man of twisted reality, no morality, and the will to do horrible things for simply no reason at all. The movie is great.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Hellboy, and stuff.
Friday's numbers:
Kb snatch 3min:
80@44 -me
deadlift 2min @ 1.5 bw:
17 totally got blown out of the water here. I can't pull without holding my breath, and I can't hold my breath for 2 minutes.
hand over hand pulls @ 70+tire:
6 lengths of the rope.
Suspended planks:
121 seconds. This was a buster, but I got some redemption here.
From there we all went to the Nickerson and had some supper and sat on the deck.
Yesterday I went to open mat and rolled several times. Paul helped me with a couple techniques, but I was toast. I need to work on my back strength.
Saturday night we ordered pizza and watched Hellboy, then we all went to see hellboy II. The wife normally doesn't like fantasy, but liked hellboy II. It was good, but nowhere near Ironman, Kung fu panda (which is great) or Get smart. I've been going to a lot of movies lately.
Today I had an aweful learn to row class. Why do people pay $120 to sign up for these classes and then don't listen to a damn thing I say? I have had bad classes before, but there are is one guy who is paying attention, and capable. Everyone else pays me no mind, or is so afraid of the boat that they can't accomplish anything. I damn near quit today. I have had a lot of luck in the past, and have heard stories of other instructors with classes like this, I've just never experienced it. We're going to have a discussion about priorities next week. I couldn't do it today, because I was too pissed off, and the message would have been lost in my emotions.
I did some pre-hab stuff today, clams, bw rows, push-ups, later I'll be doing some soft-tissue work, and stretching. Having read EC's "art of the deload" I need more of this type of work. More on that later this week.
This week I'll be in training, so I don't know how much posting I'll be doing.
If I don't talk to you, have a good week.
Mahalo.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Pain in the neck.
Tweaked my neck on Wednesday, and since I had been planning to do some kneeling squats, it pretty much blew up my training plan. I’m tired and over trained. I am going to buy Eric Cressey’s “art of the deload” so look for a review of that here soon, and I am going to post a full 6 week training plan, then you can read and follow along to see if I'm actually following said plan.
Today is going to be a power endurance assessment day:
Max reps:
Deadlift in 2 min
Kb snatch 3 min
Hand over hand sled drags 3 min
And suspended plank (to failure)
Lots of rest in between.
Numbers up this weekend.
Mahalo.
Today is going to be a power endurance assessment day:
Max reps:
Deadlift in 2 min
Kb snatch 3 min
Hand over hand sled drags 3 min
And suspended plank (to failure)
Lots of rest in between.
Numbers up this weekend.
Mahalo.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Hips, jitz, chips and dips.
Busy night last night.
Training at the gym:
Mobility/warm up.
Then glute hams:
4x8 @ 45 lb plate behind my head.
Then S.L. deads:
8 reps each @ 225, 275, 315.
Then off to class.
We worked on a choke and triangle from guard.
I sparred once, but was pretty half-vast.
Then we headed out to Kris’ place for his going away.
I didn’t stay long. I had fun, but I kept catching myself fading off into my own head. I wasn’t really in the mood to make conversation. I’m pretty quiet to begin with, and that didn’t exactly help.
Getting’ over the hump today.
I’ll be in training all next week. Fyi.
So I may be posting a lot, or not at all.
Mahalo.
Training at the gym:
Mobility/warm up.
Then glute hams:
4x8 @ 45 lb plate behind my head.
Then S.L. deads:
8 reps each @ 225, 275, 315.
Then off to class.
We worked on a choke and triangle from guard.
I sparred once, but was pretty half-vast.
Then we headed out to Kris’ place for his going away.
I didn’t stay long. I had fun, but I kept catching myself fading off into my own head. I wasn’t really in the mood to make conversation. I’m pretty quiet to begin with, and that didn’t exactly help.
Getting’ over the hump today.
I’ll be in training all next week. Fyi.
So I may be posting a lot, or not at all.
Mahalo.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Sold my plasma in Amsterdam.
Spent it all in a nights.
Radio in the gym today was playing Eurotrash girl by Cracker.
Great song.
Good weekend. Didn’t watch the fights on Saturday. I had a hunch that Forrest Griffen could pull of the upset even though logically I knew Rampage was going to bury him. Hunch was right, brain was wrong.. stupid brain. Kudos to Forrest (who really needs a nickname) the dude just wins fights.
Sunday taught a Learn to row class, then went and had some breakfast with the wife. We drank coffee and read books stared at the people walking around in their summer garb. Later we hung hammocks in the back yard and read napped and swung till dinner needed making. Everyone should have a hammock.
Yesterday, was jiu-jitsu and really nothing else. Basics class was Kimoura and uma-plata from guard. Advanced/mixed class was just sparring. I had a couple good technical rolls. Some folks are getting ready for the no-gi tournament this weekend. I thought about doing it, but with the vacation and holiday my weight is a little high. I don’t want to be cutting much, and I don’t want to be competing above 205.
Worked out at lunch today:
Warm up:
Kb snatch 3x10/10 @ 44
Chins:
5,4,4 @ bw+35
Incline dumbbell bench.
10/10 @ 65
5/5 @ 80 x3
Chest supported rows:
4x5 @ 145.
I don’t really like the CSR machine at my work gym. I’ll have to figure something else.
glute hams and some other leg work, then more BJJ tonight.
Mahalo.
Radio in the gym today was playing Eurotrash girl by Cracker.
Great song.
Good weekend. Didn’t watch the fights on Saturday. I had a hunch that Forrest Griffen could pull of the upset even though logically I knew Rampage was going to bury him. Hunch was right, brain was wrong.. stupid brain. Kudos to Forrest (who really needs a nickname) the dude just wins fights.
Sunday taught a Learn to row class, then went and had some breakfast with the wife. We drank coffee and read books stared at the people walking around in their summer garb. Later we hung hammocks in the back yard and read napped and swung till dinner needed making. Everyone should have a hammock.
Yesterday, was jiu-jitsu and really nothing else. Basics class was Kimoura and uma-plata from guard. Advanced/mixed class was just sparring. I had a couple good technical rolls. Some folks are getting ready for the no-gi tournament this weekend. I thought about doing it, but with the vacation and holiday my weight is a little high. I don’t want to be cutting much, and I don’t want to be competing above 205.
Worked out at lunch today:
Warm up:
Kb snatch 3x10/10 @ 44
Chins:
5,4,4 @ bw+35
Incline dumbbell bench.
10/10 @ 65
5/5 @ 80 x3
Chest supported rows:
4x5 @ 145.
I don’t really like the CSR machine at my work gym. I’ll have to figure something else.
glute hams and some other leg work, then more BJJ tonight.
Mahalo.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
A fresh batch of america balls..
Well gentle readers, I am back to it.
Thursday was spent in the gym pulling heavy iron.
Deadlifts (sumo):
worked up to a single at 455.
then 4 singles at 405
then snatch grip conventional deads on 1" platform:
5 singles at 315. Working on hip strength and ROM. There will be more of this type of work in my future.
1A Rows:
4x 4/4 @ 100
chins:
Various grips 25 total reps.
Very little rest.
Friday was great.
Open mat at jiu-jitsu, several good rolls. Mostly short.
Then some conditioning work at the boathouse:
two couplets.
A) Man makers @ 35 lb dumbells
B) suspended planks
A) single kb rack hold
B) 1 leg kb SL deads.
1 minute rounds. twice through each couplet x2.
The idea is to do movement based exercises at a high intensity coupled with "core" (for want of a better term) stabilizer work. This allows us to do movement based conditioning and work on endurance of the stabilizing musculature. It worked great, though I think next time around I'll substitute briefcase deadlift/holds for the kb rack holds.
After training went out to dinner, movie, and fireworks with a good chunk of the 'friday fun' group.
Today, I just went to class. It was the last class for one of my good friends (a term I do not throw out lightly). He is moving to San Diego, and the school will be poorer for his absence.
Hope you had a good holiday.
Mahalo
Thursday was spent in the gym pulling heavy iron.
Deadlifts (sumo):
worked up to a single at 455.
then 4 singles at 405
then snatch grip conventional deads on 1" platform:
5 singles at 315. Working on hip strength and ROM. There will be more of this type of work in my future.
1A Rows:
4x 4/4 @ 100
chins:
Various grips 25 total reps.
Very little rest.
Friday was great.
Open mat at jiu-jitsu, several good rolls. Mostly short.
Then some conditioning work at the boathouse:
two couplets.
A) Man makers @ 35 lb dumbells
B) suspended planks
A) single kb rack hold
B) 1 leg kb SL deads.
1 minute rounds. twice through each couplet x2.
The idea is to do movement based exercises at a high intensity coupled with "core" (for want of a better term) stabilizer work. This allows us to do movement based conditioning and work on endurance of the stabilizing musculature. It worked great, though I think next time around I'll substitute briefcase deadlift/holds for the kb rack holds.
After training went out to dinner, movie, and fireworks with a good chunk of the 'friday fun' group.
Today, I just went to class. It was the last class for one of my good friends (a term I do not throw out lightly). He is moving to San Diego, and the school will be poorer for his absence.
Hope you had a good holiday.
Mahalo
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Going forward, looking back.
Spent last weekend at Orcas Island with my Mom, step-dad, brother, and our wives. I don’t know how much to tell you about my family history. One because I don’t know how much you care, and two because it’s not pretty and who wants to write about the dark and ugly bits of their lives? I’ll start with this; when my mother brought what is now my step-father to meet me, after 10 minutes I marched over to my mom and said “I don’t LIKE him.” Things went down hill from there. By the time I was 13 I had a full on melt-down: Depression, thoughts of suicide, utter apathy, I quit playing sports, and I started eating like they were going to stop making food and drinking as much alcohol as I could get away with. My mom took me to a shrink, and my step-father and I stopped interacting all together. We would talk through my mother like she was an interpreter.
I slowly got my self esteem back, and started playing sports again. I stopped drinking, and saw it as a crutch, a sign of weakness, which is why I don’t drink now. It reminds me of those days. Sports and self-esteem got my weight back under control. By the end of high school my step-father and I would talk, but only on a level of “will you help me do this?” “Yes/no.” One day after I’d graduated college, he started flipping me shit about the fact that my mother and he had paid my tuition, and I was still.. Lazy/stupid/incompetent.. something of that order. I pulled out my checkbook, and said “I am so sick of hearing that bullshit. I could have taken out student loans, but YOU offered to pay, well here’s $200, I’ll get you the rest as soon as I sell my car.” His jaw hit the floor. My mom backpedaled, and that was the last time he mentioned it or anything like it.
Now he and my mom are getting older, and my brother lives in Wisconsin with his wife, and they are starting to notice that we’re about as emotionally close as we are geographically. I am ok with that, my mom is not. My grandfather was an abusive drunk, and my grandmother has mental problems. My mom and her siblings (best I can decipher, as stories are not very forthcoming) grew up in a war zone. They are more than close, they are damn near inseparable. My cousins fit into this mold, and live a few blocks away from their parents. They do the same things and spend all of their free time as a group. My brother and I do not. I send my folks gifts for Christmas and their birthdays. I talk to my mom once every six weeks or so mostly about my aunts and uncles and cousins, and that’s about it. We were never close. When my step-father came into the picture she could have kept control of my rearing, but in stead let my step-father (a man who admittedly “hated children” and drinks far too much) handle my “disciplining.” I don’t know that I can forgive her for keeping quiet.
This weekend we had fun together, but we are all too different. My brother is a typical type ‘A’ personality. He works 70-80 hours a week, and when he’s off can’t sit still for 5 minutes without getting bored and having to “do something.” The wife and I love the outdoors, and the islands, but we move at a more deliberate pace. We’ll go for a hike, or climb around on the rocks near the beach, but we also like to sit and read. My folks still sport drink. My step-father can’t make it past 10 am without having a beer, and goes through a 12 pack in a day (not including drinks at dinner and cocktails in the afternoon). They sit, and they drink. My brother is fun and funny, but he got frustrated with the lack of action. His wife is sweet, but I think she was going to throttle my brother after we all went on a 10 mile hike on Saturday. I wish we saw them more, but thanks to email we talk all the time and I don’t feel like my life is incomplete without seeing him more often.
The islands were amazing, more on that when the pictures come through.
My folks are my folks. I talk to my step-dad about current events, sports, or the weather. He’s a jerk, but my mom loves him, and now that’s enough for me to tolerate his existence. My mom has my respect, and I guess my love but not my friendship or forgiveness. I can’t spend time with them without feeling sick for not feeling for my mom the way “I’m supposed to feel” about my mother. They went back to Missouri yesterday, my mom is trying plan another vacation for us all, but I think this was probably the last. I don’t have enough free time or money to spend feeling that way, and I don’t really know how to tell her that, which makes me feel even more guilty. I don’t think I ever will.
Not much training in the past week. I went on the aforementioned 10 mile hike Saturday. I went to jiu-jitsu on Monday night, and last night. I was due for a de-load week, and there it was. Tonight, I start lifting heavy things again.
Have a great 4th of July.
Mahalo.
I slowly got my self esteem back, and started playing sports again. I stopped drinking, and saw it as a crutch, a sign of weakness, which is why I don’t drink now. It reminds me of those days. Sports and self-esteem got my weight back under control. By the end of high school my step-father and I would talk, but only on a level of “will you help me do this?” “Yes/no.” One day after I’d graduated college, he started flipping me shit about the fact that my mother and he had paid my tuition, and I was still.. Lazy/stupid/incompetent.. something of that order. I pulled out my checkbook, and said “I am so sick of hearing that bullshit. I could have taken out student loans, but YOU offered to pay, well here’s $200, I’ll get you the rest as soon as I sell my car.” His jaw hit the floor. My mom backpedaled, and that was the last time he mentioned it or anything like it.
Now he and my mom are getting older, and my brother lives in Wisconsin with his wife, and they are starting to notice that we’re about as emotionally close as we are geographically. I am ok with that, my mom is not. My grandfather was an abusive drunk, and my grandmother has mental problems. My mom and her siblings (best I can decipher, as stories are not very forthcoming) grew up in a war zone. They are more than close, they are damn near inseparable. My cousins fit into this mold, and live a few blocks away from their parents. They do the same things and spend all of their free time as a group. My brother and I do not. I send my folks gifts for Christmas and their birthdays. I talk to my mom once every six weeks or so mostly about my aunts and uncles and cousins, and that’s about it. We were never close. When my step-father came into the picture she could have kept control of my rearing, but in stead let my step-father (a man who admittedly “hated children” and drinks far too much) handle my “disciplining.” I don’t know that I can forgive her for keeping quiet.
This weekend we had fun together, but we are all too different. My brother is a typical type ‘A’ personality. He works 70-80 hours a week, and when he’s off can’t sit still for 5 minutes without getting bored and having to “do something.” The wife and I love the outdoors, and the islands, but we move at a more deliberate pace. We’ll go for a hike, or climb around on the rocks near the beach, but we also like to sit and read. My folks still sport drink. My step-father can’t make it past 10 am without having a beer, and goes through a 12 pack in a day (not including drinks at dinner and cocktails in the afternoon). They sit, and they drink. My brother is fun and funny, but he got frustrated with the lack of action. His wife is sweet, but I think she was going to throttle my brother after we all went on a 10 mile hike on Saturday. I wish we saw them more, but thanks to email we talk all the time and I don’t feel like my life is incomplete without seeing him more often.
The islands were amazing, more on that when the pictures come through.
My folks are my folks. I talk to my step-dad about current events, sports, or the weather. He’s a jerk, but my mom loves him, and now that’s enough for me to tolerate his existence. My mom has my respect, and I guess my love but not my friendship or forgiveness. I can’t spend time with them without feeling sick for not feeling for my mom the way “I’m supposed to feel” about my mother. They went back to Missouri yesterday, my mom is trying plan another vacation for us all, but I think this was probably the last. I don’t have enough free time or money to spend feeling that way, and I don’t really know how to tell her that, which makes me feel even more guilty. I don’t think I ever will.
Not much training in the past week. I went on the aforementioned 10 mile hike Saturday. I went to jiu-jitsu on Monday night, and last night. I was due for a de-load week, and there it was. Tonight, I start lifting heavy things again.
Have a great 4th of July.
Mahalo.
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