Wednesday, October 31, 2007

In which I reveal my first misunderstanding with the fairer sex.

(and god knows not the last)
Inspired by SJ, I have decided to regale you with my own youthful fumblings.

I was an 8th grader, I had long hair, listened to Metal (I would not discover the Sex Pistols, or Black Flag for another year or so) . I was (and still am) pretty quiet around those I don't know, and was deathly afraid of girls. I was standing in the lunch line all by my onsey, pondering the lyrics of an Anthrax song or sommat. Standing in line ahead of me was a collection of the cooler girls in school. They had on tight torn jeans and real actual concert T-shirts (not the lame ones you buy out of the back of metal rags, but actual concert shirts). They were talking in hushed tones and giggling.. alot. One of them points to me, and more giggling. Great, here it comes, they're going to do something to make fun of me or otherwise make me look like a jackass, and I can't even clobber them because they're girls.
Just as I finish that thought a tall girl with big blue eyes who had her back to me literally jumps in the air and whips around.
"Will you go out with me."
I froze. I was not expecting this. She can't be for real, somehow this leads to a big joke.
"uh.." witty response. If this is not a joke this is great, she's cute, and cool.. Wait, how could this not be a joke. I realize that while I am deep in thought this entire gaggle of girls has me surrounded. They are hanging there waiting for me to answer.
I panic.
I blurt out "no." The girl looks horrified.
One of her friends with a Metallica T-shirt and huge blond bumper bangs jumps around to defend her.
"Why the hell not? She's cute."
I am totally out of my element; not one, but TWO girls are talking to me.
I nod.
"Then why won't you go out with her."
I think.. what was my reason again? I mean "going out" with a girl.. that could be fun.. wait fun.. that's it they're going to make fun of me.
"She's not serious, you guys are just going to make fun of me."
"Wait, what?"
The whole group gets a very puzzled look on their face, then immediately starts shouting at me. I can't make out what any of them are trying to say, all I hear is shouting.
At that point one of the teachers rushes over attracted by all the yelling and breaks us all up.
I never actually talked to that girl again.
I think both of us were too mortified by what happened to ever actually sort out the reality of the situation.
I wouldn't have a "girlfriend" till the end of my sophomore year.
Happy Halloween everyone!

3 comments:

SJ said...

My god. What a mess. This sounds so familiar.

SJ said...

ALSO, I was thinking you could submit this to Can I Sit with You? It's funny.

J. B. Zero said...

A mess pretty well describes most of my dealings with women.

Oh, thanks! that's not a bad idea.
I'll have to edit it a bit to make it more readable as as stand alone story.